Quick reference — the two dials that set the quality of your light
Softness is about the source's apparent size relative to the subject, not the modifier itself. Bring the light close → Soft (gradual shadow edges). Pull it far → Hard (crisp, well-defined edges). A big softbox placed far away still acts small and hard.
Light that is spread out (bounce, open umbrella, bare source) → Diffused: even, gentle highlights. Light that is focused / directed (grid, snoot, reflector, optical spot) → Specular: concentrated, punchy hot spots.
Hardness and highlight character are independent dials, so real setups land in the blends: soft+diffused, soft+specular, hard+diffused, hard+specular.
Edge vs depth are separate. Hardness sets shadow-edge sharpness; your fill and ratio set how dark shadows go. Dramatic usually wants both hard edges and deep shadows, but you control them independently.
Distance does most of the work. You can shift a scene from dramatic toward natural just by moving the same light closer and adding a bounce — before swapping any gear.
Mix the dials. Soft + specular (close but focused) gives smooth shadow edges and lively highlights — the flattering-with-sparkle zone favoured in beauty work.